Just an update......

I just want everyone to know that Terry & I are doing fine. I'm sorry if I haven't answered the phone or responded to emails, but I was just not ready to......I was just not ready. This has been very hard on me. I'm still so sad and angry. I will get over it but right now I'm still not right. I know I'm not the first woman to ever miscarry and I don't believe that my pain is worse than anyone else's. I think what made this so much harder than the first time is that I fell like I let Terry down. I never thought this would be so hard for us. I just assumed we would get pregnant and have kids. I didn't expect to be 33 (in 2 days...happy birthday to me) and childless.

I'm sorry I intended this blog to be an assurance that we were doing ok......we are but its still sucks.

Sad News

Yesterday Terry and I suffered a second miscarriage. I was 6 weeks along. I was going to wait till my first trimester was passed before we told anyone but now the circumstances have changed. We are both doing fine and are keeping busy as to keep our minds off of it.

I'm extremely sad but I'm also VERY pissed off. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!!?!? WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO HAVE A CHILD? IT'S NOT FAIR! CRACK WHORES AND HOOKERS GET KNOCKED UP ALL THE TIME LIVE THE WORST KIND OF LIVES AND STILL HAVE BABIES THEY DON'T EVEN WANT!!! WTF! And why is it everyplace I look it's baby this & baby that. I feel so inadequate as a woman. I feel worthless. I see all my friends and family having these beautiful babies and I'm so jealous (in a good way).

This one was due on Oct. 12, my dads birthday. We were hoping for a Oct. 18 delivery because it would have been half way between my dad's b-day & Terry's dad's b-day, Oct 24. I so wanted an October baby. It's my favorite month. I was gonna throw the best Halloween B-day parties. We plan on going to PA in July and I was gonna be all big (like 6 1/2 months). I was gonna take a picture of my growing belly every week. I was finally gonna make my parents Grandma & Grandpa & my brother Uncle Clint.

I keep trying to look on the bright side but the truth is right I don't give a shit about the bright side.

Forks, La Push & Cape Flattery

Last week was my glorious vacation during which I did almost nothing. That was the plan after all to do nothing. I didn't want to go anyplace which that's very strange since I am hyper sensitive to the condition known a "Cabin Fever". It takes me like 1 or 2 days before I must get out of the house!!! But for 6 of my 9 days of vacation I was content to stay at home farm with Farmville, clean the house and cook dinners. It was like heaven. The Girls at work did so good! They only called like 3 times and they were up in $ for our week. I knew I could count on them.

This past weekend was beautiful. 50 degree weather & blue skies. An oddity here in the Pacific Northwest for winter, normally our rainy season. So Terry and I took full advantage of it. We took a drive and stayed the night on the Olympic Peninsula. We'd been there once before but didn't get to see a whole lot. So this time I had a list of things I wanted to do and by golly we got them all done in a day and a half!

This is my disclaimer: I am not a "Twihard" (a super Twilight fan) and I really could care less about the actors from the flicks. I did dig the books and I think is cool to go places I've read about or seen on TV. So due to the close proximity to Forks & La Push WA I felt I should go.

Let me start by saying that EVERYONE over there is SOOOOOO nice! I couldn't believe it! They are so welcoming to Twilight fans. They've got a few stores, there are signs in all the windows welcoming Twilighters. It's nuts! They want people to come to their tiny tiny town. And let me tell you, they need it. It's like the town that time forgot. Everything is circa 1982. Everythings clean and orderly but old! I loved it there. We stayed at a small little motel called the Dew Drop Inn. (I love that name)

So without further ado, photographs.......

First Beach.....

Snoopy trying to chew his way to freedom!

A really awesome photo op on the mile hike to Second Beach......

Cape Flattery......just gorgeous not Twilight related.

An eagle just because.

Canada as seen from the south shore of the Straight of Juan de Fuca.

Until next time..........

Finally.....

I want to start off by saying: Happy Holidays & Happy New Year! Sorry its taken me so long to update my blog but this was the first Christmas I was a manager at the studio and it was really busy. I was there so much that when I got home the last thing I wanted to do was blog, farm, super poke pet, fish or zoo! All my poor (facebook/myspace) apps have suffered...*shakes head*. The second thing I would like to say is that if you are family or friend that I personally know and you did not get a holiday card it was simply because I do not have you correct address. So if you have a facebook or myspace page or you have my e-mail address and you didn't get a card please send me your address so I can be up to date. Thanx!

facebook page link: www.facebook.com/heather.millsclark

Myspace page link: www.myspace.com/heatherjeanclark

Please only send private messages. Don't put any personal info on my wall or in my comments.

OK so lets get down to the reason y'all read this blog. Here's our update!

Well other than the fact that I was super busy at work we've had a pretty good few months. Not really exciting but nice & quite. Just how I like it. I'm on a new medication for my stupid diabetes. Its called Byetta and is awesome! It's an injection kind of like insulin but not. I take it twice a day and it keeps my blood at a non-diabetic levels. AND the doc told me at my last appt the they were gonna come out with a Byetta shot that you only have to take once a week!!! Holy crap that's like not even being diabetic! So far I'm doing really well. I've lost a total of 42 lbs so far and I lose about 2 lbs every time I go the doc. I've said for a while now that I'd lost about 40lbs but that was just estimating. I weigh less than I have in at least 10 years! I have a waist line!!! I'm down past my first weight loss goal so I get a new tattoo as my reward. If I reach my next goal I get diamond earrings! I've got a way to go for that one.

My first year as manager of the portrait studio sucked! I knew it would so I wasn't surprised. People (customers) in general can be horrible. And as the manager I have to take care of all the ridiculous issues. "I don't like my hair in this one"(then check the mirror before you leave the house) "His smile looks funny" (then stop yelling at him to (40 year old mom)"Smile less! Smile more! God Emilio (7 years old) you don't understand my "vision".) "The picture is so dark" (I tried to tell you that because you're black, maybe a black background is not the best idea, but what do I know?) "You know we felt rushed" (then maybe you should show up on time for the app you made, not half hour late and expect to get in as so as you walk in....ASS! We do have other customers. You're not our only one!) "I don't like any of these poses" (Well I did try to pose y'all but YOU only wanted standing poses) "She wasn't very good with my kids" (Prison guards would have had a hard time with you little brats. Try discipline, not bribery!) Ahhhh.......good times! I'm so happy that the holidays are over. You don't even know! And just so you know we do have some fantastic customers! There's nothing like someone saying to you "Heather, you can't ever leave this place! Would will make them laugh?" "I only want you, Heather!" Those people make this job worth it.

Terry goes back to work tomorrow after having the last 2 weeks off. (Lucky!) I think the break was really good for him. He took the time off to "learn and master guitar" (its a work in progress) He's doing really well. It sounds like music now when he plays!

We got ourselves a Wii for Yule and we play a lot of Bowling & Mario Cart. Its a pretty cool gaming system I must say. It's the first new one we've bought since we've been together. Fun!

Terry got me a camera. It's great so far. Much better than the little piece of crap I had before. Now taking pics is more fun. I got him Lego's! An airplane & helicopter. He loved 'um! Our Yule was simple and I loved it!

So last night I hosted a party for my girls from work & their significant others. It was such a good time. The Wii came in super handy. This picture below is us. I didn't take it but I love it anyway.

As soon as I get my camera figured out I'll be posting more pics and now that I have a little bit more time I'll try not to go so long between posts. And on that note........Later!

At my Dad's insistence......

I will be killing two birds with one stone this morning. I was gonna blog about my amazing Tuesday anyway so I mine-as-well "record every detail!!" (to quote my pop)

The company that owns Sears Portrait Studios & Picture Me Studios (the photo places in Walmart), CPI Corp, are doing corporate sweeps throughout the USA, Canada & (I think) Mexico. They are doing surprise visits to studios to make sure "All the Aces are in their Places" their quote not mine. Naturally for the 2 months now that we've known about these sweeps all the studio managers in my district and I'm sure every where have been freaking out! Except me. I was a little nervous sure but in the big scheme of things I knew that my studio would be fine. I was not expecting a win but I knew we would pass. I've said before and I'll say again my team is the Best in the (North)West!

On Tuesday morning (11/10/2009) who should come walking through our door.....Yep Corp! I was in the middle of taking pictures of my studio for my dist. manager with my cell phone when he walked in! I was like "Nice Heather, cell phone on the sales floor". We shook hands and a made a joke, "You Corp?" He said "Hmmm. Am I Corp? I guess I am. You the Manager?" "I am indeed!" I said. He handed me his card, I glanced at it and sat it down. He informed me he was going to look over our photography. I asked if it would be cool if I went about my business or if he needed me to hang out with him. He said he was good so I went to do manager type things. I went to make copies and called Michelle, my DM. "Fucking Corp is in my studio!!" "What?! Who?!" "Ranoldo. Ranato. I can't remember his name. " "RENATO!!!" "Yeah that's it. Is he ok?" "Yeah he's one of the good guys. Don't be nervous, you'll be fine."

I get back to the studio and he was up behind my register where all our drawers are. I assume he went through them but he never said anything. I asked him if he needed me to show him anything specific, paper work, props. No was his answer. I was kind of bummed because all my stuff was nice and in order waiting for inspection!

At this point he starts asking questions that I won't bored you with. We walked around the studio with him taking pictures of EVERYTHING!! Pictures on my wall, the front counter, my sales station, my cameras, he must have taken a hundred pictures! Some of the things we do at the studio aren't "corp approved" things. I have pictures of my girls on the wall, we don't use flip charts we use price sheets, bla bla bla. So he's looking at these things and I'm thinking "Crap! I'm gonna have to take this stuff away." HE LIKED 'UM! Even said "This is a good idea, I'm taking this back to corp!" (Thanks Trae!) He dug the picture of my girls.

Finally were standing up at the front and he asked "What do you think as a company we could do better?" I preceded to tell him just what I thought. "These $7.99 coupons are kicking our asses, the online appt. scheduler sucks, other than that it's cool!" "Oh and since I have you here maybe you can help me. I have a girl would has been, for the last year, screwed out a her raise. And I don't believe I make enough money. I'm not asking for a huge raise I just want what I deserve as a manager." Not in those exact words but you get the point. He's taking notes and listening to every word I'm saying and all in all being a really nice guy, so I say "Well how'd I do?" "I don't have a set criteria, I'm basically looking for good management good crews and well run studios. So Heather I think I'm gonna give you an Award for Excellance! Your studio just won $100! What do you think of that?"

Well let me tell you what I thought! I teared up and hugged him. "Are you serious?!? Oh my God!! Thank you so much!" He took my picture told me to have a nice Christmas and left. Wendy came running out of the camera room and we jumped up and down! We looked like big idiots! I called Michelle "WE JUST WON $100!!!" "YEAH, I KNEW YOU WOULD.....OMG I HAVE TO CALL CHERYL!! (her boss) Then she hung up on me.

I then preceded to call anyone who would answer the phone.

I got home that night and I was telling Terry all about it. He was like "So who was this guy?" I said not sure some field tech I think. No wait his card said Chief Executive Officer." Terry's like "You mean CEO!?!?!" Now before you think I'm stupid just know I didn't examine his card really closely and I just simply had not connected the dots. I hugged the CEO! I talked to him like he was just a random person. I TOLD HIM I DESERVED A RAISE!!!

It was truly awesome! I'm so proud of my studio. And just so you understand what a big deal this is, we are the only studio in our dist, region & market (of like 5 states) to have won yet. And only 11 other studios across the country have won. THE CEO OF CPI THOUGHT WE WERE AWESOME!!!!

Oh and FYI.......I got my raise!

Pumpkins & Home Improvements

The pics I ment to write about in my blog a few days ago. Opps!

1. The pumpkins we carved.

2 & 3. Same pumpkins just lit up on the porch.

4. Our new dining room table.

5. The work bench Terry built in the garage.

6. A better shot of my haircut. I just liked this pic better than the first!

Meet the Lameos!

I feel like I should update my blog considering its been FOREVER since I wrote anything informative, but I got to tell ya, there is seriously nothing going on! But I will fill ya'll in on the little things.

As some of you know Terry is learning to play guitar. He's doing quite well! at first it was just alot of random notes and alot of repetition but he's now playing songs and is getting all excited about it. I'm glad he's got a hobby. It brings out the fun side of him.

work is going well for him. He's finally able to work some overtime which is nice. We can always use the extra $!

I myself have nothing going on. I'm working alot (which I hate) so I leave early when ever I can. Although I'm VERY grateful to have a job this manager stuff blows! It will one day look good on a resume but the job itself....not fun! Stupid conference calls every morning, having a district manager who has a pain in the ass regional manager, cranky customers, worrying about what everyone else is up to or needs. I never wanted to give a crap about any of this but now I do. Ba-humbug! I'm just whining. The jobs not all bad. Only sometimes.

I'm on a new medicine for my stupid diabetes. It's called Byetta. It's an injection but not insulin. So far its working great! My blood's staying normal! And its suppose to help me loose more weight! Awesome!

Love the short hair! Very liberating!

Well my beloved Seattle Rains have come. I love rainy weather! It makes me sad when it rains while I'm at work and I can't watch it. No windows at the studio. Everything's so green! I love it here.

I've been missing my Family & Friends lately. :( I wish everyone I loved was here in WA not 3000 miles away. I'm working my ass off to get my BFF Steph to move out here. I think that if I just get her out here and locked in a room she'd stay! We'd feed her and stuff. To all my Kalgren readers help me out! I wish that Jake, Nicole & Will were out here, too. I wish they were all out here. Brenda, Melis & the boys, my Hallmark Girls, Minn. And mine & Terry's families. :(

Terry and I are watching Arrested Development in DVD. Holy Shit is that an awesome show! What the hell is wrong with this country? "So you think you can dance", "the Bachelor", "American Idol", mindless shows like that are going strong but great shows never make it! WTF?

Well I hope that catches ya'll up. Until next time........